Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 echoes in my mind as I search for the next distraction to flood my senses. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve ever been still. Have I ever listened to the gentle whisper of the one who I say is the identity and lighthouse of my life? Today we have no reason to be still. During the day, our physical bodies rush us from class to class, meeting to meeting, and practice to practice. When our daily routine is finished with, we are able to keep our minds racing with visual stimulation (think Netflix). But do we ever sit and deal with silence?
Silence scares us. We make every attempt to avoid it for fear that we might have to deal with the internal demons that haunt the corners of our mind. Whatever demons plague our lives, we make an attempt to eliminate their noise, filling our days with endless distraction. But when we are stripped of our distractions, we are left weak and bare. The material has dissolved and the internal is exposed. What then?
I’ve been stripped bare, alone and broken, with just my demons to keep me company. I fear sleep, as I’m forced to confront those demons, questions, and doubts. They scare me. I’ve gone astray. Where is life’s purpose and joy? Who have I become? Where do I place my identity? These questions shake my once “solid” foundation. Who is there to meet me in my darkness and despair but my Lord and Savior. Who’s voice powers through the darkness and doubt but my heavenly Father’s. When we are still, we allow God to break through our mold. We can finally hear God’s voice begin to repair the broken inside.
Facing the tough questions is painful to do. We don’t want to face the questions and doubts our mind is prodding us to ask and express. We don’t want to lie down and look into the darkness of our souls. But without doing so, we continue to live a life that is a lie. For in that darkness we find ourselves. We find our true beliefs and the values that make up the core of who we are. If we don’t search to that depth, how can we discover who we were created to be? Jesus lives in the depths. He invited those who were considered to be the worst of society to dine and commune with Him. He met those individuals in their worst moments, when they were at their lowest, and in their darkest days. On the other side of Christ, those individuals found life, their thirst having been quenched.
Only when we live in the darkness can we find light. Have faith that God’s grace will meet you, wherever you are. There is nothing harder to do. I do not want to face the questions I want answers to. But I know that Jesus is waiting for me in the darkness, and that I’m never alone to face any of it. So face down the silence of our minds. That’s where the Answer lies.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
Lost & Confused 
Matt,
This is so good man! It is good because it is real. I feel like I could have written something similar and my guess is that your words will resonate with many others as well.
It is so hard to rest! Rest is truly a discipline and it is also a precious gift. More often than not the enemy has stolen this gift from me. There are so many days where I come home and end up spending hours doing useless and restless things instead of entering the rest Jesus has for me! Business, noise, worry, doubt all are pressing on me and sometimes I medicate with empty and worldy things. I am still learning to be still and listen. I am still learning to rest. In fact I have never met a single “Godly man” who is not still learning to be still and rest so they can know God more intimately!
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